Jenks Hypnosis and Training Center, LLC

805 N. Fir, Jenks, OK 74037    (918) 298-6884
Located in Jenks, America, near the heart of south Tulsa

Part 2

Last month we went through 6 of the 13 destructive thought patterns. Those thought patterns that destroy self esteem and promote unhealthy, unkind thinking. Self Esteem is as much a matter of the heart as it is a matter of cognitive thinking. It is the realistic appreciation of yourself. The combination of self acceptance and self love. Simply put. You have to like yourself before you can love yourself. These destructive thought patterns short circuit self like, self appreciation, self love and self esteem leaving us with lives sucked dry of all joy and enjoyment.

7. Making Feeling Fact. This assumes that feelings are the irrefutable proof of the ways things really are. "I feel ashamed therefore I'm a shameful person." "I am inadequate therefore I'm worthless." What a leap! These "I feel __ therefore I am __" are completely wrong and inappropriate. Feelings are neither right or wrong. They just ARE! Feelings are the result of thoughts. When our thoughts are distorted, our emotional responses are faulty. Feelings do not reflect reality.

8. Catastrophizing. Expecting the worst, knowing an event will be so horrible that you will never be able to cope with it. We become convinced that we are unable to cope even with the normal ups and downs of life. So much time and energy is spent fretting about the possibilities that the good things in life simply pass us by. Stop. Think. Consider.

What are the odds this will happen to me? In the 1950's, people became obsessed with tornados. So what were the odds it would happen? We live in Tornado Alley! The odds were pretty good. I used to worry about wrecking my car. What would happen? What would I do?

If it happens, what should I do? Now you are thinking sensibly. Anticipating a problem and formulating a plan of action increases one's sense of confidence. Make a plan and forget about it. Planning is the best you can do until it happens - IF it happens. If it does, you'll be prepared.

Back to the car. What would I do? I'd cry. I'd give thanks I could still cry. Then I'd go shopping for another car. Oh! Shopping! Hey this could be a good thing! Which leads us to: Put it in perspective. Ask yourself, in the grand scheme of things, will anyone care about this event in 100 years? In 100 days? Or tomorrow? How does event compare to September 11, 2001? How does it compare to the Murrah bombing of April 19, 1995?

Back to the car again. I wrecked my Mustang. Actually, I totaled it. I got a Honda and wrecked it the day after my father-in-law passed away. What a week! Can I change it? NO! Will worrying or fretting or beating myself up alter the facts? NO! So I took a deep breath and continued on with life. Losing the car wasn't as important as the loss of my father-in-law. Cars can be replaced. He couldn't and neither can I.

9. Personalizing. A real gem, it gets you coming and going. Personalizing takes on ALL the responsibility for every negative event. A student drops out of college and Mom thinks it is her fault. A child is injured and the neighbor thinks "It's all my fault. I should have ___." In Personalizing, the ego is so involved that every negative event is directly caused by us and it becomes a measure of our worth - or the lack thereof.

Distinguish Influences from Causes. I may be able to influence how you think with this article. But ultimately, it is your decision to change or to remain stuck in the familiar muck and mire. I am not the cause of your decision. Only a possible influence on your decision.

Identify Influences outside yourself. However much you would like to think (or someone else would like to make you feel) you are responsible for the actions of others, you are not the only influence in any one person's life. Take a good realistic look at each situation. Instead of assuming all the responsibility, ask yourself. Am I really the only cause - or just an influence.