Jenks Hypnosis and Training Center, LLC
805 N. Fir, Jenks, OK 74037 (918)
Located in Jenks, America, near the heart of south Tulsa
Dealing With the Past
I have a friend. Well educated. Successful in his chosen field. Wonderful wife. Great kids. You'd think he wouldn't have problems. But - he does. As a child he was badly abused. Although he has managed to move forward successfully, he still carries the scars and fears of that little boy within him. When he spoke to me about it, he had to first stop and prepare himself to repeat the words "as a child I was sodomized with an instrument."
From my chair, there is so much more to this problem than just the action of the childhood abuse. There are psychological and physiological problems that continue to plague the adult. The first problem, and perhaps greatest, is that on some level, the adult doesn't feel safe, confident or secure. Remember, this is a well educated, successful man with a rich and rewarding life. Yet, in some ways, he is still just as frightened as the little boy who endured the abuse. The second problem is that the child, and therefore the adult, has no power. His power was stolen by the person who abused him. Even though that person has since died, he still has my friend's power and until my friend goes back to the younger self to make him feel safe, that person will continue to have his power.
What exactly does that mean - to have someone's power? It means that the perpetrator still has the ability to cause my friend pain and discomfort, even though he is no longer in my friend's life. Even though the perpetrator isn't even aware of what is going - and most likely wouldn't care even if he did.
How can this be rectified? That is more difficult. The adult needs to go back to the child, assure him that he is now safe and nothing will ever happen to him again. The child needs to be given the opportunity to confront the perpetrator and speak whatever is in his heart - without fear of reprisals. Then the adult and the child need to forgive him. Now before you get your back up and scream "ARE YOU CRAZY????" let me explain exactly what I mean. Forgiveness isn't offered for the offender but for the forgiver. It doesn't mean the actions are condoned or absolved. It does mean that the perpetrator is forgiven for being less than what the child thought he was. Once that is done, the child has reclaimed his power and the problems - all of them - disappear FOREVER!
We'll talk more about this next month, but for now - May all your days be blessed.
Dealing With the Past - part 2
Last month we talked about my friend who had been abused as a child. I know my friend isn't the only person who has experienced trauma at the hands of the adults that were supposed to keep him safe. I've had many clients who come to me to rid themselves of their past.
The mother of one client threatened to eat rat poisoning if the children chose to go with their father on visitation day. And she carried through with her "threat". She convinced her children that she actually ate rat poison. (Since she never got even the slightest bit sick, this was all bluff.) For thirty years, my client carried that guilt. She stored the guilt and fears of her mother's abusive and corrosive actions stuffed into her body. She is so family oriented, when her disabled brother used her as a verbal punching bag to release his frustrations, she thought she had no recourse but to accept the punishment.
These two have ruled her life and caused immeasurable stress which, eventually, lead to her inability to maintain employment. She is slowly working to rebuild her health and rid herself of stressful situations. Each time she makes a step forward, she emails me and I dance a joyous jig. I love it when my clients succeed!
Her problems were so overlaid one on top of the other, it was difficult to figure out just where to start. We went though a lot of childhood memories, dumped a lot of guilt (which didn't belong to her in the first place), and did a lot of self esteem repair. But most of all, she and I talked about giving herself permission to protect herself. She didn't have to accept abusive language from her brother. She could choose to leave until he had himself under control. She didn't have to allow her biological mother in her home. She didn't have to speak to her in public and she didn't have to feel guilty for withdrawing from a corrosive personality.
She has begun to reclaim her life, her self esteem, her power - even her hair! Each time she makes a step forward, I cheer. I am proud of all my clients who succeed in achieving their goals, but I am particularly proud of this one. She has overcome a tremendous abusive childhood, corrosive personalities and incredible stress. As I watch, she becomes more and more the person she wants to be. She has truly begun to blossom like a rose. I have only one thing to say to her . . . YOU GO GIRL!!!