Jenks Hypnosis and Training Center, LLC

805 N. Fir, Jenks, OK 74037    (918) 298-6884
Located in Jenks, America, near the heart of south Tulsa

External Stress

We've talked about internal stress. All that negative stuff and negative self talk and pressure we put on ourselves. But what external stress. All the pressure put on us from outside sources. How do we deal with that?

Hmmmm…Let's consider that a moment. What are the causes of external stress? Relatives, holidays, children, boss, co-workers, understaffed projects, etc. It all boils down to two causes. People. Situations. Neither one is under your control. You may be able to influence a situation but it will be a cold day in a very hot place when you can control a situation completely.

The same is true with people. You can not control what they say, think, feel or do. (Any one who has ever dealt with teenagers knows the absolute truth of this statement!) Any person or event you think you have under control can quickly escalate into an unmanageable beast.

"Oh great! Not only do they give a headache, an upset stomach and an all expense paid guilt trip, you tell me I can't do anything about it?

Whoa there, Nellie. That isn't exactly true and definitely not what I said. You can't control people or events but you can control yourself. You - and only you - control how you choose to react to situations or events ~ and believe me ~ when external stress in involved, people and events are indivisible.

Telephone solicitors are an incredibly annoying lot. (Sorry guys, but you just are!) I don't like being rude or unkind and I also don't like my meals interrupted or my time wasted with offers I'm nor interested in or want. This could be a dilemma but it isn't. I could choose to allow my time to be wasted in an effort to not be thought ill of - or -

Let's go back a few paragraphs. Can I control what the solicitor things of me whether or not I listen to the spiel? No. Can I stop them from calling? Apparently not. They continue to call regardless of the No Call Registry. So what can I do? I can control my response. I choose how to respond. I say, "No thank you." And hang up. I can't control if they think I'm rude. So why worry about it.

"Well - sure. That's easy." Of course and the same principle applies to just about every situation in our lives. Jobs come to mind. Employers, supervisors and co workers beyond irritating and every one else who falls into the realms of the never satisfied. What do you do when one or all of them thinks your best isn't good enough, belittles your efforts as puny and insignificant, or worse, wants to send you on an all expense paid trip to the unemployment line. You can't control their words. You can't control their actions. Of course, those words sting but you have the option of hanging onto them and make them your own. Or you can reject them and give them back to the sender. Doctor the stings and keep your head high. You make an error and your boss calls you an imbecile along with a few other choice words. At that point, you have more than just a few options. But the one I like best is this response. "No, Mr. (Mrs., Ms., Miss) Boss, I am intelligent person who sometimes makes errors. I will rectify this one." (It does help to have a healthy amount of self esteem.) Keep responding to the external stress from people with dignity and positive affirmations and your self esteem will have no place to go but up!

Ok But what about events? There is a whole new can of worms! Not really. There is a solution for every event in our lives. (We just don't always like the solutions available, but they are there.) Our task is to choose the best one for that situation.

What comes to mind is my first and future ex husband. He waited until the last moment of Thursday to get our marriage license for a Saturday wedding. (Oh this was not an auspicious beginning!) Disregarding the fact we were both under 21, that not only did we both have to appear but that both parents had to appear as well. Then there was the little problem that the banns needed to be posted for three days prior to the wedding. It was one big mess caused by ignorance (ours) and procrastination (his). Even as my mother and I hurried down to the court house, we talked about what we could do if we couldn't get married on the day we'd chosen. Rather than stew and stress over a situation I had no control over, I chose to look at the alternatives. Not bad for a 19 year old whose wedding was about to go down in flames.

What is the lessons here? You Are In Control Of Every Thing You Do! Your stress levels are in your very own hands. One way to keep those levels down is to believe in yourself. Praise yourself. Be good to yourself. Be kind, tolerant, patient. You will never be superman - or superwoman. You will never do it all right. So cut yourself some slack. Accept the irrefutable, unchangeable, indisputable fact that you are human and therefore not perfect.

Mistakes, fouled events and unpredictable people give flavor and substance to our lives. Keep an open mind and you ego under control. We are being handed the opportunity to change and grow stronger. How do you accomplish all this? Well, for openers, become aware of yourself talk. No sense handing yourself over on a silver platter. Affirm yourself every day.

Your thoughts, your words have power.

And you are the only one with the power to control your thoughts and words. Only you choose if they will be positive or negative. It is as easy to be nice as it is to be nasty. Negative is six times more powerful than positive.

Lastly, when life begins to throw curves at you - BREATHE! When we get stressed, we tend to breath very shallowly. Our heart rates go up and it goes down hill from there. So Breathe! Deep! And remember

Nothing very good or very bad lasts for very long.